Want to instantly mark yourself as an outsider in the surf world? It's easier than you think! Surf culture, with its unspoken rules and peculiar preferences, dictates what's cool and what's, well, kooky. And trust me, the line can be blurry. Let's dive into the gear that might actually make your surfing experience better but will likely earn you some serious side-eye from the lineup.
To navigate these treacherous waters, consider this your survival guide to avoiding the "uncool" label. We're highlighting equipment that, despite its potential benefits, has been deemed unacceptable by the self-appointed style council of surfing. Prepare to be surprised – and maybe even a little annoyed.
Wetsuits are safe... for now. Thank god wetsuits haven’t gotten hit by the uncool stick. Photo: Skyler Fitzmaurice//The Inertia
1. Helmets: Brain Protection? Yes. Style Points? Zero.
Helmets are standard issue in almost every other sport involving speed, potential collisions, or, you know, gravity. But in surfing? They're often met with disdain. Why? A potent cocktail of extreme sports machismo, a stubborn refusal to acknowledge surfing as a 'sport' (remember the uproar over Mick Fanning stretching before a heat?), and, frankly, a bit of old-fashioned stubbornness. The benefits are undeniable: helmets protect your brain. Concussions are bad. Brain damage is worse.
But here's where it gets controversial... Some surfers feel helmets detract from the 'pure' experience, creating a sense of fear where there should only be freedom. Is it worth risking a serious head injury for the sake of appearing fearless? Luckily, the tide is slowly turning. We're seeing more and more pros, especially at heavy wave spots like Pipeline, sporting helmets. Perhaps practicality will eventually outweigh perceived coolness. What do you think? Should helmets be normalized in surfing, or is the resistance justified?
Simba Sentinel 1 Surf Helmet. The Simba Sentinel 1 Surf Helmet is great at keeping you alive, terrible at making you look cool. Photo: Skyler Fitzmaurice.
2. Hoods: Warmth vs. 'Hardcore' Status
This is another example of surfers prioritizing suffering over comfort. Wearing a hood in cold water? Apparently, it's a sign of weakness. Nobody, and I mean nobody, thinks you're cool because you're shivering uncontrollably. It's just uncomfortable for everyone. Unlike forgoing a helmet, however, toughing it out in frigid water probably won't lead to long-term health consequences (unless you're prone to hypothermia, of course).
Photo: Skyler Fitzmaurice//The Inertia
3. Reef Booties: Fashion Before Function (and Foot Health)
The logic here is baffling. Surfers will happily risk lacerations, punctures, and infections from razor-sharp reefs just to avoid wearing reef booties. The insistence on fashion over function reaches almost psychotic levels. Because even with the very real threat of coral cuts – which can lead to serious infections – wearing protective footwear is considered uncool. And this is the part most people miss... It's not just about avoiding pain; it's about avoiding the appearance of being afraid of pain. Think about it: is looking 'hardcore' really worth risking a nasty infection that could keep you out of the water for weeks?
Photo: Vans
4. Webbed Gloves: Frog Hands and Shoulder Strain
This one's a bit more nuanced. Unlike the clear-cut benefits of helmets and reef booties, the effectiveness of webbed gloves is debatable. While they might help you displace more water and theoretically paddle faster, the evidence is far from conclusive. Anecdotal reports (and Reddit threads) suggest they can even lead to shoulder injuries due to the increased strain.
But that's not even the main reason why nobody uses them. The real reason? They look utterly ridiculous! Aesthetics trump potential performance gains in this case. It's a prime example of how surfing often prioritizes style over substance.
Photo: Surf Co Hawaii / Shutterstock.com
5. Nose Guards: Safety? Maybe. Social Suicide? Probably.
Nose guards, those humble pieces of silicone glued to the tip of your board, are designed to minimize damage in case your board decides to become a projectile aimed at your face. If you remember surfing in the 80's and 90's, you remember these! Unfortunately, they carry a stigma. Using a nose guard is seen as an admission that you're not confident in your abilities and that you anticipate your board might, at some point, become a danger to yourself or others. This immediately raises the ire of the 'core lords'. On the other hand, they're not going to protect you from any other part of the board, so you're not missing out on much, but it could save your teeth.
Photo: Courtesy Ryan Jones
6. Front Traction: The Quantum State of Coolness
Front traction pads are a tricky subject. Some swear by them for added grip and control, while others scoff at their use as unnecessary and even detrimental. Between the overzealous intermediate surfers who overuse them and the skilled surfers who shun them (with a few exceptions, like Noa Deane), front traction exists in a state of both under- and over-utilization. In short: You're probably not good enough to need traction, but even if you were, you might not use it anyway due to the social implications. And this is the part most people miss... Front traction can actually hinder your ability to move your feet around on the board, limiting your responsiveness.
Photo: Dragon Eyewear
7. Sunglasses: Protecting Your Eyes vs. Looking Like a Tourist
Pterygium, those fleshy growths that plague the eyes of many surfers, are a direct result of prolonged sun exposure. Sunglasses offer a simple and effective way to prevent them. Unfortunately, keeping sunglasses on your face in the surf is a challenge in itself. And even the most secure, water-resistant shades will earn you disapproving glances from the lineup. Apparently, protecting your eyesight is less important than maintaining a certain image. It's almost as if surfers would rather risk surgery than be caught wearing sunglasses in the water. So, are you willing to sacrifice your eye health for the sake of fitting in? Where do you draw the line between fashion and function in the surf world? Let us know in the comments!
